Why is it that teenagers seem to think that saying I'm sorry is the great eraser for moral and intellectual errors of judgement? Why is it that the concept of earning forgiveness in order to restore what Why is it that you need to take a course to have a driver's license, be tested, and only receive a whole license after experience, yet there is no such manual or testing period or learning period when you become a parent? It's a strange thing in many ways how a child can enrich your life, even though a recent study on happiness amongst Canadians discovered that having children definitely has negative affect on your happiness factor. Your children can make your heart, head and chest swell with pride and the knowledge that the world is in good hands with the next generation. At least those are the good moments. Then there are the others.
Recently I experienced one of those other times. It's quite something to have your opinion of maturity, understanding, and trust dashed in a moment of reckless stupidity. Why is it that teenagers cannot, no matter how much you talk, plead and beg, grasp the concept of wider repercussions and consequences for themselves and others because of their actions has been taken away from them is the primary modes opperandi for this group? Why can't they understand that forgiveness isn't something that you can earn by accomplishing a certain number of tasks, but is rather something that you demonstrate the ability to receive from the people you have hurt? Why is it that teenagers don't understand that their actions can and do break sacred trusts that have been given and earned over time and not something that can be quickly or easily "fixed" in a non time intensive manner? Once again trust is something that you have to demonstrate being able to handle and receive. It is not deserved or a right in any way. Why is it that I feel hurt, angry, frustrated, and let down - when in all reality no one was physically hurt and the damage done has more to do with character and reputation than anything else?
As you can probably guess there was an incident with my son that is causing this blog and reflection. It was recent and I'm still very raw from the experience and yet even now I find myself wondering will I be able to trust him again in the same way I did before? Will I be able to look at him with the same degree of pride and wonderment at his potentiality? Will I be able to forgive - yes I'm sure with time I will, yet I also equally certain that I will never forget. My relationship with him has been deeply bruised - not broken, after all he's my son and I will love him with all my heart, mind and soul as long as I have breath.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Being Homeless
Recently I had the opportunity to return "home" for my brother's ordination. I put home in quotations because it was a very strange homecoming for me. I've returned to Newfoundland before since I left its rocky shores 10 years ago. I've returned for family events and visits; to preach and for meetings, yet for some reason this trip was very, very different. It was strange to travel around St. John's, a city I'd lived in for years, taking in all the changes and new buildings. I took note of the places I remembered that were now boarded up and no longer in use and I realized that St. John's, a city of 102,000 people, felt very small. It no longer buzzed with the energy that I remembered from my childhood. In effect it actually felt small. Not in a geographical sense, but small in a philosophical sense. It was akin to coming home and realizing that your family no longer lived there and not only that, the new owners have changed the layout and colour scheme of your room and house. It was truly a humbling and eye opening experience. I discovered that the land of my birth, the very place that I called home that had defined a portion of my personality for so many years, was no longer my home.
This experience is the closest I think I'll ever come to Jesus encounter in his home town when they asked him to read scripture and explicate it. Their response...grab him and throw him off a Cliff...fortunately which didn't happen. Yet the sense of home no longer being home is very much a part of that story and now it is part of mine. I wonder how upset, angry, frustrated, and/or sad Jesus was when these events happened to him. I know I certainly experienced all of them. It is quite something to realize that you no longer have a home. That you no longer have a place that you can retreat to in times of distress and uncertainty. that there is no place for you that serves as a shelter amidst life's storms.
Of course that isn't really the end of my reflection because I do have a home, it's just a new home. While the one of my youth is gone and I can no longer return to it, a new home has emerged from my journey. This new home is mobile. It isn't rooted in geography or rock, rather it's rooted in family. In the midst of my reflection Victoria commented to me, "you know one of the great things about us is that where ever the four of us are we call it home." That was the message I needed to hear. Where ever the four of us are we call it home. Thus a home rooted in family, rooted in people, cannot be lost and I am privileged to have several families. One is my nuclear family; another is my ministry family at Christ United; another is my vocational family within The United Church of Canada; and another family is comprised of friends.
I still have a home...it's just a mobile home! and I am humbled by the number of people who travel life's road with me.
This experience is the closest I think I'll ever come to Jesus encounter in his home town when they asked him to read scripture and explicate it. Their response...grab him and throw him off a Cliff...fortunately which didn't happen. Yet the sense of home no longer being home is very much a part of that story and now it is part of mine. I wonder how upset, angry, frustrated, and/or sad Jesus was when these events happened to him. I know I certainly experienced all of them. It is quite something to realize that you no longer have a home. That you no longer have a place that you can retreat to in times of distress and uncertainty. that there is no place for you that serves as a shelter amidst life's storms.
Of course that isn't really the end of my reflection because I do have a home, it's just a new home. While the one of my youth is gone and I can no longer return to it, a new home has emerged from my journey. This new home is mobile. It isn't rooted in geography or rock, rather it's rooted in family. In the midst of my reflection Victoria commented to me, "you know one of the great things about us is that where ever the four of us are we call it home." That was the message I needed to hear. Where ever the four of us are we call it home. Thus a home rooted in family, rooted in people, cannot be lost and I am privileged to have several families. One is my nuclear family; another is my ministry family at Christ United; another is my vocational family within The United Church of Canada; and another family is comprised of friends.
I still have a home...it's just a mobile home! and I am humbled by the number of people who travel life's road with me.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Blogging Towards Sunday
This week there is an interesting series of readings to choose from. I've chosen to focus on Acts 1:6-14 which isn't quite the story of the Ascension, yet overlaps with that pericope.
This week I find myself being struck by two phrases, Jesus' directive that "you will" and the question "why?"
On the surface it makes perfectly good sense for Jesus, as he's about to return to God, to give a pep talk to his disciples by informing them that they will be his disciples in all of Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the earth. How much more encouragement could you need? Here Jesus, the one who conquered death, is telling you, no directing you to be the witness to his gospel of good news to all the world. Yet what's the first reaction of the disciples - to stare up at heaven (the sky). It isn't to run down the mountain side and start witnessing. Why is that? Why is it that Jesus' final pep talk, one that commissions all those present into an active ministry, doesn't immediately result in action? Could it be that perhaps the first response by the disciples was "Oh Crap! I have to be a witness to the whole world - I mean look at what our own people did to Jesus!" I think that's why the disciples were standing there staring up into the sky - not because they were awe struck or humbled by the experience or groping with how to process it - they were dumbfounded, literally frozen in place, because of the enormity of the mission that Jesus had given to them. I mean how do you begin to witness to the whole world and you know, that's the mission that's been handed down to us. You and I are called, directed, commissioned to be Jesus' witnesses to the world and I think when that sinks in most of us respond with "Oh Crap!" and never move beyond that point. I think it's the reason why so many congregation can't articulate a vision and the mission they are trying to live out. I think it's one part of the reason why so many congregations are immobilized by their history. I think it's one of the reasons why so few of us actively live out our faith in a way that shares that faith with others. I think, that like the disciples in Acts, its easier to look to the past and say "there was a time" and justify our current inaction based on the success and laurels of past generations. That approach is comfortable. It's easy. Yet to that approach the two men in white ask us why? Why do you try to bear witness to Christ by looking in the rear view mirror? Why do you try to witness by listing what you and others have already done? Why aren't you doing something now?!? Because it scares us, because its an awesome responsibility, because we think we don't have the talent or the time or the training, because we might mess it up, because we want to be a huge instant success - that's why.
And yet, Jesus didn't say, "you will be my witnesses and meet with instant success the likes of which the world has never seen and then be able to pack it all in an retire." Instead, Jesus calls us into an active engagement with the world wherein each of us bears witness to Christ with the best of our abilities - through prayer - and by the power of the Holy Spirit so that the gospel of Christ spreads around the world as you and I live it out authentically in the everyday moments of our lives.
We will be witnesses! Why? Because that is one aspect of what it means to be disciples, to be followers of Christ and to revel God to others.
This week I find myself being struck by two phrases, Jesus' directive that "you will" and the question "why?"
On the surface it makes perfectly good sense for Jesus, as he's about to return to God, to give a pep talk to his disciples by informing them that they will be his disciples in all of Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the earth. How much more encouragement could you need? Here Jesus, the one who conquered death, is telling you, no directing you to be the witness to his gospel of good news to all the world. Yet what's the first reaction of the disciples - to stare up at heaven (the sky). It isn't to run down the mountain side and start witnessing. Why is that? Why is it that Jesus' final pep talk, one that commissions all those present into an active ministry, doesn't immediately result in action? Could it be that perhaps the first response by the disciples was "Oh Crap! I have to be a witness to the whole world - I mean look at what our own people did to Jesus!" I think that's why the disciples were standing there staring up into the sky - not because they were awe struck or humbled by the experience or groping with how to process it - they were dumbfounded, literally frozen in place, because of the enormity of the mission that Jesus had given to them. I mean how do you begin to witness to the whole world and you know, that's the mission that's been handed down to us. You and I are called, directed, commissioned to be Jesus' witnesses to the world and I think when that sinks in most of us respond with "Oh Crap!" and never move beyond that point. I think it's the reason why so many congregation can't articulate a vision and the mission they are trying to live out. I think it's one part of the reason why so many congregations are immobilized by their history. I think it's one of the reasons why so few of us actively live out our faith in a way that shares that faith with others. I think, that like the disciples in Acts, its easier to look to the past and say "there was a time" and justify our current inaction based on the success and laurels of past generations. That approach is comfortable. It's easy. Yet to that approach the two men in white ask us why? Why do you try to bear witness to Christ by looking in the rear view mirror? Why do you try to witness by listing what you and others have already done? Why aren't you doing something now?!? Because it scares us, because its an awesome responsibility, because we think we don't have the talent or the time or the training, because we might mess it up, because we want to be a huge instant success - that's why.
And yet, Jesus didn't say, "you will be my witnesses and meet with instant success the likes of which the world has never seen and then be able to pack it all in an retire." Instead, Jesus calls us into an active engagement with the world wherein each of us bears witness to Christ with the best of our abilities - through prayer - and by the power of the Holy Spirit so that the gospel of Christ spreads around the world as you and I live it out authentically in the everyday moments of our lives.
We will be witnesses! Why? Because that is one aspect of what it means to be disciples, to be followers of Christ and to revel God to others.
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